I’m not going to go into details about how I felt when my Mum passed as that’s a whole other subject but it’s crazy how many people lose parents so young. There are a few things I would have done differently if I knew what to look out for so hopefully this advice may be useful.
Firstly and most importantly: LOOK AFTER YOURSELF. This is so important. You may loose yourself comforting others and not be in touch with your emotions. This may seem okay, but it will bite you in time. I didn’t look after myself and ended up in hospital. I couldn’t control the fact I lost my Mum so I controlled my eating.
2. You’ll notice people saying “I’ll be there if needed” but really there are only a handful of people who will ACTUALLY be there when you need them. It’s a harsh truth I found out.
3. Don’t expect people to understand the pain you are going through. I used to get angry at friends falling out with me as even at that point it had been months since she passed, of course I was still hurting.
4. There is no “way” to be grieving. Grief is a very weird process. I didn’t cry when my Mum passed as I was still in shock. This doesn’t mean you don’t care, it’s just a way of processing things.
5. When you’re ready… see a therapist. Seriously. The best thing I ever did. Just having someone to talk to and to help with everyday life. You might worry that your “situation” isn’t enough to require a therapist.. but everything is taken seriously. Each time I went I could feel a weight being lifted and more in touch with how I was feeling. I’ve attached a few helpline links at the bottom.
6. Don’t isolate yourself. I.. again did this. I didn’t want to hang out with friends because I didn’t want to talk about the passing of Mum. I avoided people. If you loose a parent, this doesn’t define you. Most people don’t want to bring it up as people really don’t know what to say.. which is completely understandable.
7. Divide a handful of people who you know you can talk to about how you’re feeling. As I said previously, many people don’t know how to approach the situation and would much rather take you for who you are, rather than what has happened.
8. It’s okay not to be okay. You don’t have to “stay strong.” If you don’t let out your emotions, it will cause deeper issues. Take each and everyday as it comes.
9. When people assume you have a Mum and a Dad.. this can be really hard and even harder for the person who has assumed. Correct the person’s mistake and move on to a different topic.
10. If you’re at school, which I was, speak to a teacher you can trust who will put you in touch with the right person. School is tough as it is and it’s vital to have someone you can talk to. My school nurse practically saved my life and she was always there when I needed her.
11. Don’t let anyone tell you to move on. I will move on with my life at my own pace..yes but my love for my Mum will never change and she will never ever be forgotten.
She was my Mum and my best friend and I will love her forever.
Drop me a message if you need any advice 🙂
All my love and keep on Nibblin’